Thoughts

Thoughts

It is a silent night. I spent the entire day doing practically nothing. Well, of course I did something but you know, they’re not even constructive, to say the least. Now, here I am. I just played S&M by Rihanna a couple of times already. I like its upbeat-ness, the video’s entertaining, too. However, that’s not what I will be blogging about this time. Today, it got me really thinking how all of us want to become somebody. I remember when I was a child, I would imagine myself becoming a pilot. I wanted to control, if that’s how you call it, a fighter jet. Obviously, that’s not the track I have decided to proceed with. I’m pretty sure all of us have imagined becoming someone as well. The point I want to share is that, we are often bombarded with choices and decisions. Little are we aware of the truth that these decisions, no matter how seemingly small, provided for great changes in our lives. Sometimes, it unconsciously swerves our path to an unexpected route.

I’m pretty sure I want to become a lawyer. It’s just that, in life, we do not have one goal alone. I also want to consider the other things I want to become. Say, a father, a photographer, a chef. I can be so many things. It’s just a matter of how I see things and how I pursue things.

Today, I learned something. Boredom teaches you patience. I used this line as a status on Facebook wherein a friend commented and said, “No, it teaches you perseverance.” I disagreed and said, “It teaches you both. When you believe you're doing nothing, you're actually training yourself not to be angry to the world for being silent to you.”

I am at the point of my life where I’m turning 20 and I feel like it’s going to be one hell of a ride! Things will surely change and the world will be mine for the taking. As they say, at my age, it’s good to be anywhere. The freedom it gives you entails a more decisive self, because again, you can never turn back time.

I need to wrap it up. I’ll talk to you soon, yeah? Keep safe :D

Art of Cramming

It's a thing all students learn and improve. In times when cheating is virtually impossible, the teacher's eyes are just like eagle-eyes watching your every move, cramming before exams is the perfect tool to get the answer. It's a know today, forget tomorrow kind of stuff. We're connoisseurs when it comes to this.

Here's how it goes:

The week before the exams, we think of the exam the next week but put it off to a later date. On the weekend of the exam, we try to open the notes then close it again. On the day before the exam, we sleep and watch television. We cram the night before. Literally, the night before. We don't sleep. We expect puffed-up eye bags with decreased physical activities and mood swings the next day.

We start reading. We hear the buzzing sound the silence brings. The clock slowly ticks away. A few minutes, a few hours. Then we realize that we do not understand a thing. Memorizing it is not a feasible thing to do. Not with a limited time. Oh well, even with lots of time, I don't like memorizing--stressful, VERY. So going back, when we realize we do not get one single concept, we get the highlighter and highlight every single thing we think is important. Take note: It's what we think is important. It may not be important at all.

It's like 3 in the morning and we continue to strive. We get so sleepy that words move and jumble. WTH, they're moving. They don't seem to mean anything anymore. So that's the time we feel hopeless. We throw our notes away, brush our teeth (from all the snacks and coffee), and turn off the lights.

We walk towards our bed while praying we pass the exams. We have the gut feeling we won't pass. Then, we sleep like babies.

The next day, we cram again an hour before the exam, trying to fit everything in our little heads. "Come On", we often tell ourselves. Shit, we call out when the teacher walks inside the classroom.

"What the Fuck, she's here!"
"Oh Man, I wish I could throw her away"
"She's still alive?!"

Turns out, we pass the exams. Cramming is the way

:D

some of my recent blogs are so sloppy. i couldn't get the inspiration that i need to craft my blogs like well embellished jewelries that sparkle even with faint light. i was reading the blogs of people and i can't help but say in my mind how different my blogs sounded, maybe too amateurish? i don't know but one thing is for sure, i have to step up my game. i know this isn't a competition but seriously, i want to make good blog entries, entries that are worth reading. it's just like cooking, you cannot serve what is not worthy to be eaten. 

i want my blogs sincere and full of life. i want them unique and soulful. i want them to be embroidered with my real emotions. i want it to be representative of who i am. i have about 5 pending blog entries. the concept of the blog is ready but the i haven't started with the body. i know that i have to creatively do them. i have to squeeze out my creative juices. creativity for me is a big deal. it attracts interest into your entry.

also, i think i have to treat my blog as a journal and not just as an accessory or an online notebook where i write notes. see, a journal works as a extended vein. my blood runs through it, therefore it is a part of me. my blog, then, is part of me and i must treat it that way. 

Carpe Diem- Sieze the moment.

i must make the most out of everything because sometimes we do not get second chances. 

Wish List

You know how I envy other people with things I want that I do not have. So here, I have listed my own wish list.

1. DSLR Camera

Beauty is too precious that it needs to be captured. I want to be a photographer. Maybe become a fashion photographer like Nigel Barker, Mike Ruiz, Mike Rosenthal. 

2. Ipod

Music is Love. You know that.

Sensing

I was there and I watched the clouds move. The sun was washing over the windows of the tall buildings that started to emerge in every inch of the city. The sound of the man singing, resonated, while the beat of the drums reverberated.

People were moving, talking, glancing. Energy bounced off in every direction. Invisible waves of thoughts and emotions floated in the air in colors imaginable. I could feel them traversing the open even if all else were black and white. People's emotions are so strong that they overwhelm every part of me. It injects a heavy dose of uncertainty, and an even stronger dose of security that many are with me in feeling what life has brought to the plate.

Many of us cannot sense what is there because we are preoccupied with a million other things that hinder our ability to feel other people, to feel their joy or their pain, their success or failure. Or maybe, sometimes, we only think of ourselves all the time.

Undesirable

I wanted to roll down the window of the car. I wanted fresh air on  my face. But my hands did not move, and my face looked angry. I could sense it.

I was angry at my brother who did nothing actually, he just irritated me. I was angry at my father for calling our driver dumb. I was angry at the loud, roaring sound that a passing motorcycle produced. I was angry at the continued whining of my step-sister. I was angry at the pain in my ass for the trip home, which today seemed like years. I was angry at the dogs for barking so loud.

I was angry because we had to go home early. I did not get to finish the movie I was watching with my crush. Well, if that's not embarrassing enough. I hate myself (looks down with remorse).


I entered the well-lit receiving area of our home and looked at the mirror, I forced my face to look normal. (I'm good at supressing emotions on my face). I went to my room and opened my laptop and wrote this. I wanted to let this undesirable feeling, being angry with things and people, out. I said to myself, "This is one of my mood swings. I was okay 30 minutes ago."

But see, sometimes, a good dinner and good news would make you feel better.

Ambition

These are the places where I would want to live and work in :D

1. Los Angeles, California

2. New York

3. London, England

4. Paris, France

5. Tokyo, Japan

6. Hong Kong










And I really want to become a lawyer and a model. You know, fashionable, smart and could conquer the world. I want to see the world and be the best person I could be. I want to be rich, I honestly do.

*big smile